When the Smoke Settles

Turned out to be a beautiful day today. As I came back from an afternoon walk with one of the dogs, I stopped at my next door neighbor’s house so her grandsons could say hello to the dog.  While the boys were petting him, my neighbor, out of the blue says, “Your smoke is going into my house. It must go up in the air and then drop back down. It’s a beautiful day and I have my windows open and now my house smells like smoke.”

Slightly taken aback, all I could do was look up at my house and chimney, that sits forty feet about her house and give my best Vancouver, “Sorey.”

I went back inside and shared the story with my husband. “What I should have said was, I understand that, I can’t tell you how many nights your daughter’s cigarette smoke drifted into my windows.”

Woulda, shoulda, coulda, what else could I do?

I put another piece of wood in the fireplace.

What Makes People Turn Into Morons In Parking Lots?

Today I had to have some blood work done, so I was late to work.

We share a parking lot with a husband/wife Dr.’s office.  They are both older than dirt and the wife (a short dwarf of a thing) is a little bit of a dictator.   Besides which a few years back she used to be the mayor of our town.  Blah, blah, blah.

Seriously my co-worker and I call her a troll.

Behind her back of course.  When she walks into the building we say, trip trop trip trop.

The husband is a pediatrician and the wife troll is a heart doctor.

The troll and I have a competition for the parking spot closest to the door.  I beat her in every morning and take the spot, she counters by parking in the no parking striping which is even closer to the door.  On the rare day that she beats me in, I do the same thing.

Just because.

Well when I pulled in today there was a woman parked in the striping.  A younger man and woman were standing one on each side of the car’s back doors.  They were unloading babies.   So I pulled into my parking space.

I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to get my bag and the woman driving looked at me and said, thanks for taking my parking space, I was unloading them.

Are you kidding me?  If you really wanted the stinkin parking space you should have parked there and let their lazy, pajama wearing asses walk the extra eight feet to the freakin door.

I choose to take the high road, left my car where it was and held the door for them as they carried their babies inside.


Dumb Ass

Last night I took the dogs up to the field for their nightly walk.

When I checked the schedule I thought it said 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm.

I was wrong.  Practice starts at 5:30, which was exactly when I was pulling in.

If I live to be 100 years old, I’ll never understand how people can be so stupid and self-centered.

Her I am with two fairly large dogs, one of which is clearly excited to see people, do you think anyone would give me any consideration?

NO, instead one freaking lady decides to talk to my dog which encourages him to tug me over to her.

At this point I said to the woman (with a laugh in my voice) “It’s really better if you don’t talk to them, it encourages them.”

She laughed and said, “I know.”

My Inner Bitch said, “Really?  You really know?  Then what the fuck are you doing talking to my dog you stupid, stupid bitch!”

I told you my Inner Bitch was not nice.

Old Ladies

At first I thought this blog was only going to be about dumb assholes on the road, and I thought I can’t blog about all the dumb assholes on the road, people will get bored with that. 

So I didn’t write anything.

Then I thought, shit I got this blog and now I have nothing to post about. 

Well problem solved.

Monday I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items.  I use the kiosk at the deli department because it is so much easier to pre-order my items and let them get it ready for me while I shop.

I was petering along lamenting about how stupid people are in the grocery store.  You know they park their carriage on the side and then stand next to it, effectively blocking the entire aisle, while they search for that elusive jar of pickles that they just HAVE to have.

Without fail every time I visit the grocery store, there is one stupid person who I seem to encounter in every aisle. 

So I was wandering through the aisles looking for my groceries, muttering under my breath, when I heard my deli order was ready. 

I made my way to the deli counter and as I approached I noticed an old lady (yes I can say that because it is my inner bitch and she says what she wants) approaching from the opposite direction.  I didn’t give her a second thought because I made it to the deli well before her tired old ass did. 

I reached up and verified that it was indeed MY deli order and then place the paper ticket in the container on the counter.  I turned back to my carriage and lo and behold this tiny old hag had pushed her carriage right up to mine, like the carriages were kissing.  She stood there glaring at me, waiting for ME to move MY carriage.

I was stunned and it probably showed on my face because I have yet to master that don’t give your thoughts away look.  Well I moved by carriage and I think I said, “Really, how lazy.” And went on to finish my shopping.

Let me say I normally am very respectful of older people, I realize as we get older we slow down some and God knows some day I too will be old, but really! 

Maybe I’m being too harsh on her, maybe her eye sight is going and she couldn’t tell she was in the GROCERY store pushing a GROCERY CARRIAGE and that she wasn’t the ONLY ONE in the store.

I don’t know, I do know MIB called her any number of derogatory names.  And I didn’t feel bad about it either!

The Blog Address Is Taken


I’ve referred to my inner bitch (MIB) before, so I thought rather than try to explain the conversations in my head in my blog posts, I would make a blog just for her.

I go to WordPress and say,  make a new blog and it tells me that MY INNER BITCH is already in use.  Ok, I check out the site, seems the ‘bitch’ who started the blog hasn’t posted since 2009!  Really?  What the fuck?  Why would you take such a cool name like My Inner Bitch  and not post to it?